I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
