I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
is it fun? or sober?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
