Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Quick, to the slutcave!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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