My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
