I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
