i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
