I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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