Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
