my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
