my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
