Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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