Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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