So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
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If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
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OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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