***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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