I want to make a zoo with you.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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