I'm laying in your front yard are you home
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
