this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
