the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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