dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just google imaged poop.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
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I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
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Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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