I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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