So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
