Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
