CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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