I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
