Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
