I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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