I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize