he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
