So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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