im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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