I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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