Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
