I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
