I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Randomize
