You're a womanizer and a bitch.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
