friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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