I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
