At least make sure they are 18
Why
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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