my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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