Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
