she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
