we have officially lost it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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