i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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