Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
