So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
