My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
