Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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