omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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