You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
