Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
