You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
