i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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