We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she told me i tasted like america
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
