I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
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I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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