u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
