ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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