the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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