the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
